Silent Fail 5: Homecoming
by Luna-Starr
Summary: Yes, I've decided to do it. A parody off Silent Hill 5. Major Spoilers.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Luna: Okay so, as a side project, I decided, hey why not try doing a parody of Silent Hill 5? it's a pretty short game, and my internet was down so no trying to update TOS. Realistically, I can only update probably once a week, and when finals come…yeah…But I won't be disappearing for two years again! I promise! Anyway, reviews are greatly welcomed.

Chapter One: Nightmare?

Bing!

_My pizza bagels must be done…_Alex thought, automatically, until he opened his eyes.

_When did I get strapped into a stretcher…? What the…_

" Hey…where's my men?" he cried, " What's going on? Where are you taking me?"

The good, bloody doctor wheeling him around ignored him, as he heard screams come from the rooms he passed. It was a Hostel rip off, for sure, except…with children? Oh that's just plain cruel. Even I can't make that amusing.

Left in the stretcher, his 'doctor' walks off and gets shisha-bobed by a large butcher knife. Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking? That that knife looks awful…familiar.

After much grunting and flexing of muscles, Alex manages to rip free his wrists from the stretcher. He gets up and wanders around the dark, clearly not very well kept room. He stops at a bloody sink.

" What happened here…?" he asks the sink.

There was a no smoking sign above it. Some asshole was clearly smoking. Question answered.

Alex wanders into the next room, where he nearly trips over a rusty stool.

" Geez…I know health care has been failing these days but would it kill them to at least move the stools out of the way, get the tiles fixed, or add color to these walls?"

And by color, he didn't mean blood. Or rust.

Into the next creepy, hospital like room, Alex spots a gate with his little brother behind it. There, he is coloring a picture. The Ring? Why yes, he certainly fit's the profile.

" Josh?" asked Alex, confused.

" Alex…haha…I bet you'll never guess the code to the keypad." He mocked.

" How about I get you a cookie if you do?"

" How about I keep coloring like a brat and let you wander around in darkness and confusion for my own sadistic amusement?"

" Okay. That makes sense."

Alex sure let that brat get away with murder. How cute. Anyway, Alex tries one door and…the lock is broken. Awesome. Soon, the sound of the lock broken door opening noise will haunt his nightmares of all the doors shut on him and missed opportunities-oh wait, I'm looking into this too much. Sorry.

In the next room, he could see Josh making a masterpiece drawing from the other side of glass. This is relevant because glass is breakable. Had Alex been a tactical army man, perhaps he'd think of throwing one of the many useless stools through the glass and jumping through. Sure, he might end up nailing Josh with it, or getting him cut with glass but kids these days are smartasses who need to be taught a lesson. There, Josh. That'll teach you to play Van Gogh and refuse to let your brother in a gate in a creepy hospital. Think about that as you get stitches in another, probably creepy hospital.

He notices an X-ray slide with numbers, and then gets a map of the hospital. Wow, if only life were really like that, randomly finding maps and getting magical materializing red sharpies. Hell, I'd never get lost on campus ever again.

Alex goes through a hall filled with corpses with sheets pulled over their heads. Awesome. Then, he begins to hear a baby crying, no, bawling.

" Would someone shut that kid up…" he muttered, annoyed.

He gets to the room and is shocked to see that it is a doll crying, and not just any doll, but a Cabbage Patch kid. He sighs, and wonders what kind of hospital would not put that in a lost in found. Damn hospitals.

He then noticed an X-ray side with random numbers. Alex decided this was important, back tracked to the other X-Ray side and combined them. He mumbled the numbers to himself to remember, and when he gets to the gate, Josh, that golden boy, does a nice thing.

Distracts him by giggling. Creepily giggling, like giggling about killing ants…or…something. Alex punches in the code, and Josh runs away, leaving his beautiful crayoned drawing of bunnies behind.

" Josh! Wait! Where are you going?…God, I am never having kids…" he said, under his breath.

I second that opinion.

Alex continued his fail game of hide and seek with his creepy little brother, and that takes him to a creepy bathroom that kind of reminds me of Silent Hill 2. As in, it reminds me of James. Alex opens a bathroom stall to find a bloodied dead man and some bugs partying around it. He mumbles something about a 'toilet of death', and walks away. I was surprised, I kinda expected him to reach his hand in and grab something out of it.

Alex continues, trying to open all the stalls-but one happens to be locked. Confused, he contemplates if someone's in there. Alex goes on his way, anyway, have wondering if he was tripping on acid. He spots a machete lodged in the mirror, and pulls it out.

All hell breaks loose. Literally.

" Oh shit, air raid?" he asks, to no one, as the siren goes off, "…I have to be tripping on acid…or maybe…shrooms."

Then, someone-no, a nurse comes out of the stall. A nurse with a wrapped, bloodied face who was wearing a very…revealing nurse outfit. I mean, come on, you could practically see her butt cheeks. Alex figured that no self respecting nurse could ever wear such a thing. So he came up with a rational idea.

"…Oh God. Is that a hooker?" Alex cried, brandishing his knife.

The nurse/hooker attempted her 'sexy' walk which was awkward, painful, and made Alex's stomach eat itself in terror. She raised her own machete, and Alex let out a war cry and repeatedly shanked her.

" I live STD free, whore." he said, after she stayed down on the ground, twitching.

Oddly, he couldn't find his way out of the bathroom until he went into the stall she spawned from, which actually had a small space to squeeze in between. Going a little further, he is attacked by a wheel chair that charges at him from the stairs. Alex screams like a girl, and proceeds to stab it.

Until it occurs to him that no, its not possessed by demons. Its just a wheel chair. What a relief.

Upstairs, he hears the crackling of his radio and breaks the glass he passes. There, 2 nurse/hookers are chilling, with a dead man on a couch.

" No, I don't wanna play doctor with you two. Not…at all." Alex decided, wide eyed, " I mean, I may have been deprived of women when I was deployed but I'm not that desperate. Yet."

He disposed of the nurses, one by one, and stared at the static T.V. Wide eyed, he inspected it. Yes, I like that. Wide eyed. Anyway…

" Its…it's not plugged into anything! How is this possible?! Oh…my sweet Jesus…" Alex declared, in terror.

He suddenly had a flash of not being able to see the World Series because of this plug less T.V, and inwardly panicked.

Funny, how the T.V without a plug scares him more than the DEAD MAN on the couch.

He then has to cut through a fleshy wall with his knife, which is just down right creepy. I mean, the thing even has teeth. Alex acts like he sees this everyday, and casually shimmys through it.

Next room, there's a bunch of beds. One has a very creative poem. 'She's not here, She's not here ,She's not here ' etc. Alex decides it's a haiku, and moves on with his life.

He is then put in another fun situation with the nurse/hookers and a saw offed half of a man on a table. I'm sensing a bit of hatred towards the male gender here, but that could just be me…anyway…

After knifing them and fearing he'd contract something from breathing their air, he runs up the stairs to get a key from the other half of the doctor they sawed. Yum.

Low and behold, our hero manages to get to see Josh again, behind a gate and coloring another picture. This time, its of My Little Pony. And the ponies are being stabbed.

" Josh?" Alex asks, because he had to reconfirm that his brother was there…that…makes sense.

" I'm busy." came the PMSing reply.

" Aren't you scared? There's…bad things around…"

" I'm a brave soldier. Unlike you," he sneered, " I'm looking for Robby."

" So…you're brave but you need a stuffed rabbit? I don't have any toys for you," Alex sighed, biting his tongue from ending the sentence with ' brat.'

" Get Robby. I want my toy back." That was an order.

" Okay, Okay…I'll do it. Where'd you last see him?"

" In my room. Find him!"

"…Geez. Alright…"

Once again, Alex caved. Clearly, if its in his room, it'll be hidden in plain sight here…Oh yeah. According to Silent Hill logic, anyway.

Interestingly enough, the toy was half way in a hole, a bleeding one in the wall. And it began to move further down the bloody rabbit hole, so to speak. So what was Alex to do? I mean, going back and giving death threats would definitely not work, of course not, so he ended up doing something very intelligent. He stuck his hand in the hole, and hoped for the best.

Unfortunately, whatever was taking it on the other side really REALLY wanted it. And Alex had to pull with all his might to get the toy and his arm back. Luckily, he managed both, receiving the bloodied, probably AIDS ridden doll. I mean, I know the kid's a pain, but maybe he should've tried a little to make it look presentable. Like wipe it off on a wall…or something…

" Maybe if you weren't such a whiny, ungrateful snot I'd wipe this off somewhere…" Alex muttered, annoyed he even had to do that.

A giant mosquito appeared just then, and he sighed and stomped on it.

Alex went back to Josh, and extended Robby through the gate.

" Here…take it."

" I want Robby." Josh repeated.

"…This is Robby."

Josh stared at it.

" Its yours…take it."

" Ew! Alex, its gross!"

" Wait! Where are you going? Josh, wait! Come back!"

Like I said…presentation means everything. He should've had a Tide bleach stick.

Alex ran after Josh, nearly tripping on the death to My Little Pony drawing.

" I swear, I should've been an only child…"

He goes into an elevator, and awkward elevator music ensues. Its just about then that the lights start to flicker, the doors open, and BAM knife in the jugular.

And so, Alex wakes up.

Just like Heather.

He was sleeping next to a creepy, lumberjack trucker. In a car, I mean.

" Bad dream?" he asked.

He turns on the radio, and what appears to be velvety mood music comes on. Barry White. He quickly changes it, and Alex relaxes slightly.

" Yeah…" Alex answered, wondering why he picked the serial killer looking lumber jack to hitch a ride off of.

" Home town?"

" Good song. I mean…uh…you could say that."

" Good luck, soldier."

He stops the truck, as Alex shakes his hand, " Thanks, man."

Off our serial killer trucker drives, as Alex pulls out his map of his home town, Shepherd's Glen. Wait…If it was his hometown, wouldn't he know it like the back of his hand? For some reason…I could picture him as being one of those guys who had a map for everywhere. For the mall, for his grade school, for a grocery store…

Somewhere, a map screamed about being a map.

Luna: Done! No flames, please. Constructive criticism is welcome, though. I hope you all enjoyed.


End file.
